6 Months

6 months.  It's gone so fast.  I thought that when these 6 months started that it would never end.  It felt like forever long.  Full of pain and sorrow and questioning.  Now here we are.

See 6 months ago started the downhill fall of 2016.  6 months ago today.

I've worked with the cancer center at Texas Children's for a long time now.  I've met several children who are no longer with us.  I still think of them and how they changed my life in some way at that moment.  I still keep their parents on my heart, and some of them I still keep in touch with. There are those that did beat that monster that is cancer and I get to watch them graduate from high school, and college, get married and have babies of their own.

This girl was different...
She had this spirit...
She had a fierceness that I can't explain nor will I try because I won't do it justice.

She changed the way I look at every fight that I face.  Mainly because she faced every single battle with cancer head on, she took charge of it and while there were obstacles she didn't let those on the outside see her pain.  No we didn't hang out every day and no I didn't talk to her every day and I regret that, but I always thought of her when taking on a new challenge.  I still do.

6 months ago she left this Earth for a seat next to our Heavenly Father.  She is playing with the angels now and I miss her all the time.  Sweet Paige, the warrior.

Her loss started months of downhill.  Shortly after Paige passed my sweet uncle left us suddenly.  I remember the last time I saw him like it was yesterday.  We were on San Augustine holding up traffic because we were talking out the windows to each other.  While we lived in the same town we wouldn't see each other all the time, so we were catching up and pissing people off.  I didn't know that would be the last time that I saw him.  He passed away suddenly on the morning of Nov. 5.  I think of him and that last smile and "love you Chris" that he gave me on the road that day all the time.

Then, I know it didn't stop for me either, the only grandparent that I knew on my mom's side passed peacefully in her sleep.  MiMi Billie was a force of a woman.  She was my mom's stepmom and even though my grandfather and her divorced she always kept in touch with mom, until we came to know her as our grandmother on my mom's side. She was fabulous.  Always dressed to perfection.  Always flashy and stylish for everything.  Even just a hang out with the family she looked like a million bucks.  I hope I'm as fabulous and classy as her when I grow up.  I know she's up there lookin' fine.

So why am I reliving all of this pain?  Because I think they were all hanging out together yesterday and decided to give me a shove.

I HATE running...HATE IT!  This past weekend I made poor food choices and was really stressed out so yesterday after all the craziness I told Chris I NEED to run.  I just needed to get the funk out.  My outlet used to be eating, now it's exercise (see previous posts).

I run with music and my playlist is so eclectic it's kind of hilarious.  Anything from pop to country to Broadway.

I've never been able to really run over a mile with out taking some sort of break...except for yesterday.

Yesterday, when I hit the 1 mile mark, and I was like ok I can stop now, something said nope. It's like I couldn't stop.  Then Paige's song came on, the song that made her smile and helped her fight, "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten.  Well I just smiled and put my hands up and said ok.  I get it, you don't want me to stop.  As I was running I was talking with Paige and BAWLING through it.

Then some great country music on my list came on and it was exactly what I could picture Edgar and I dancing to and Billie LOVING.  Edgar taught me to two step when I was little and Billie loved classic country.

So here I am.
6 months later
Missing all of them like crazy
Today I smile through the tears.
I pray that I make them proud.
I pray that they will continue to show their faces in these little ways.

If anything, the last 6 months has reminded me how small we are, how to love with everything I have, how to fight for what I believe in even when it's hard, how to take time to dance, and to always be fabulous!

Out of the Darkness...almost

***Deep, Emotional Post WARNING***

Today was a big day.  I've been waiting to write this until this day.  Today was GOLD day.  I reached a huge milestone at CG...250 workouts.

Now this post may come as a shock to some of you and some of you may think I'm full of shit but going back to my first post of the new year, I don't care.

I came to realize in the summer of 2015 that I struggle with depression.  I go to dark places in my head.  I get really really really sad to a point where I feel lost and I wonder why God even decided to put me here.

I know, there's no way!  I have this AMAZING job that is so cool.  I am married to a good looking guy who is a great father and puts up with a lot of crap.  I have 3 beautiful children that are amazing at everything they do.  I'm hilarious, confident and not afraid to speak the truth.  Obviously I'm a really great actress too and missed my calling.

Anyway, when I realized something bad was going on with my head, I secretly started speaking with a therapist.  The hubs didn't even know.  No one did.  We have this great program at work that we can rely on for assistance of any kind.  It's pretty awesome.  It helped to talk to someone that had no idea where I came from or who I know or my life in general.  He suggested I seek help using meds.  Um no.  Again I don't even take medicine when I'm sick.  I know myself and I know that I have addictive behavior so no, meds were out of the question for me, no matter how hard he pushed.  He suggested finding something then that could be an outlet for all my frustration and pissyness (not his words but that's the nicest way for me to describe it).

I immediately went to my go to...FOOD!  I love it.  Well that only made me more sad because nothing fit.  Don't EVER come around me when we need to go somewhere and I have no clothes.  It's not a person you want to see.  I also went to wine.  I love wine.  That's an amazing thing they can do with fruit and make it into something so tasty.

Then I decided to quit being an idiot and take care of myself.  That's when I went to CG (Camp Gladiator), thanks to this girl...

Sharese had been doing CG for awhile and was posting all over Facebook about it and some birthday deal.  Hey it was $7, if I didn't like it, it's just $7.

One workout and I was hooked.  I felt so empowered.  I felt like a gosh dang superwoman!  Little did Sharese know that she was turning me on to something that would change me.  

Then I met this lady...

This is Geri.  Geri is my amazing trainer.  She gives her heart and soul to all of us every single day.  She pushes you until you feel like you are about to die, but you don't.  It's just exercise for heaven's sake.  She truly cares about each and every person that walks into that workout every day.  She knows all of our strengths and all of our weaknesses and makes them not weaknesses anymore.  She makes you want to get out of bed at some GOD awful hour to sweat for 60 minutes of amazing.  She became a light for me when she didn't even know what she was doing.  Geri is what CG is all about and I thank God for her, even though she kicks my ass on a daily basis

That brings me to my people.  My people that I get excited to see every day sweating out the shit.  We push each other to our limits.  We sweat together, we moan and groan in pain after Johnny C's and burpees, we pick each other up when we think we can't go on, we laugh through the misery...A LOT! Sabrina, Scott, John, Melissa, Christy we have been doing this for a long time and we can count on one another.  My sweet Angela who I met at CG, and has become one of my great friends.  She knew today was big and came over from Baytown to work out with us. (**not pictured**Aimee, Cassie, Brandi, T, Britt, Tiff,  Kristin, Andrew and Hayle)

.

And last but not least...

 We grow up in this little town and don't realize how lucky we are to know the people that we do.  Leigh Ann and I played softball together when we were little.  We reconnected at CG.  I love her.  She is my soul sister.  She is not only one of the most competitive people I know (see same person) but also one of the most loving.  We hold each other accountable on our workouts but not only that, we hold each other up in this crazy freaking life as moms, as women, and as wives.  If she's at workout she makes me that much better because we compete and it's awesome.  I know that I can tell her anything and she won't judge.  I know that in my worst moments I can drop her a text and she will make me laugh.  I can also text her and say, "Today is a day I'm going to say f**k a lot," and she will tell me that whoever I say that to deserved it even though she has no idea why.  I know that I can fall asleep in a chair in my backyard with a glass of wine in my hand and she won't take pictures.  I also know that she is quite funny after trying to drown herself in whiskey.

Our husbands have become friends, our kids love each other and I am so lucky to have her in my life again.

So you see, CG saved me.  It's my happy place.  I still struggle.  I have good days and I have bad days.  I have days where I hide and cry pretty much all day.  Just now I have more good than bad, no meds needed.  I have come to realize that God put me on this Earth to be a wife that loves completely, a mom that isn't always perfect but would give her life for her kids, a daughter and sister that loves her family with everything she has, and a friend that will never judge, that will always pick you up when you fall because that is what you all have done for me.  Oh and also someone who still hates Johnny C's, loves to jump rope, still hates to run long distances but can do A LOT of burpees when asked.

No this isn't a giant commercial for CG, it's more of a find your happy.  Find your place, and don't stop until you do.  Don't ever give up on yourself.  YOU are an amazing person that GOD put on this Earth to fulfill your story.  We are all going to fall at some point, find your people that will pick you back up.  Also, don't assume you know someone and their struggles.  Someone that seems to have this amazing glamorous life may be the unhappiest person in the world.  Not to be cheesy but ...

"Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind"

We ALL Poop

You can try and deny it.  You can try and hide it.  But I hate to tell you this, we all know you do it...because we do it too.  We all poop.

You may be sitting there wondering why in the hell I'm writing about this but I felt the need to let everyone know...it's OK.  It's normal.  I came to the realization that I needed to let the cat out of the bag after walking into the "poop" potty at work.  Yes we have a poop potty.  No it's not labeled as such, it's the place everyone goes to poop.

Let me explain...Awhile back, our building required us to build out two handicap bathrooms because the two that we had were not sufficient.  Anyway, the GIANT handicap bathrooms we have now quickly became the bathrooms everyone goes in to poop.  

They're huge and private.  Almost like a poop suite.  It's just you in there.  I am pretty sure that some people go in there to hide for a little bit.  It's almost like you're at home.

But you're not, you're at work.  For some reason people, and by people I mean the ladies, have this fear of letting others here, and by others I mean the other women, letting them know that they do in fact poop.

First of all, when pooping in our bathroom that has multiple stalls they pull out all the old tricks to hide it...

1. coughing while squeezing (yes you know who you are)
2. actually flushing the toilet while letting one drop (don't act like you don't know...you've done it)
3. staying quiet, almost stealth, while waiting for the person in the next stall to flush and then releasing a little then holding it in until they leave.  (Seriously that just seems so painful, why would you do that?)

Then of course there's that nice poop suite I referred to earlier.  The one you get to use if you're lucky and no one else is sending last night's Mexican food down stream.

YOU TRY TO HIDE YOUR POOP BY FILLING THE ENTIRE BATHROOM WITH FEBREEZE!

Look, this isn't helping you.  That's the tale tell sign that you just had an explosion.  Plus the only thing we smell is poop covered in laundry detergent, or a green meadow, or fresh rain.  Seriously STOP.  Now I appreciate a nice little squirt of the smelly good stuff, almost like a warning.  It's like you're saying, "Hey look, I just had a giant lunch and it was not my friend, sorry you have to revel in my scent but we all do it right?  Here's a little squirt of a fresh meadow to help your nose from melting off."  But when we walk into a wall of smell and it has floated to the floor creating a giant slippery surface, that's just ridiculous.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid of the fact that others know that your body is working how it should.  You don't want to go through life lying to yourself.  Give that person in the stall next to you a "way to go" or "man I bet that feels better."  There's now shame in that.  Be proud of your poop!

Let's try this again

I think it was 2 years ago when I said I was going to write every day.  That lasted a whole 7 days.  For real this time, I'm writing.

A lot has changed in 2 years.

• We moved to a bigger house that we love (but we miss our old street...A LOT)
• We've gotten older.  All of us.  Kids are growing like weeds.
• Life has gotten A LOT busier.  Kids are all in school now and involved in quite a bit more.
• My job has gotten more challenging.  It is more and more challenging every day!

So to update...

The hubs is now teaching his 3rd new subject in 3 years.  He loves it though and I think he has found his place at school.

The oldest is quite the athlete.  She still plays softball and now plays volleyball.  I'm happy to say I think she is liking volleyball a little more.

The middle wonder has left the softball world and is now a feisty little cheerleader.  It's our first year in the competitive cheer world, and while different, we love it and she is really pretty good.  I had no doubt.

Our little man is now in school.  He played his first season of tackle football with his dad coaching (which I LOVED seeing).  His team went undefeated for the season and won the Super Bowl!  It was pretty cool.  He challenges our mental state every single day.  I honestly believe this will end up being a good thing.  I may be in the nut house but it will be a good thing.

As for me...

I still struggle daily with my weight.  It's who I am.  This year I have decided that this is it.  I'm done struggling.  This is going to go away for good.  I started working out daily in September 2016 with Camp Gladiator.  It is the most amazing thing I have ever done for myself.  I get up at 4:15am every day and go sweat for an hour.  I'm definitely stronger from it, and if I would eat right I would be a toothpick.

Work is challenging.  The business has changed a lot and I think everyone in it is trying to figure it out.  There is so much more to our jobs because of social media and it's all new...for everyone...so we are learning more and more all the time.  Not to mention the fact that I have 3 kids that go in 3 different directions every day, it makes being amazing at my job tough.  I don't think I'm AMAZING daily, but I have my days.  

I suffered a lot of personal loss in 2016.  I won't go into detail because who wants to cry, but it's made me a different person.  I have goals, and I will meet them.  I have dreams that will come true.  I truly do not care what you think of me.  I don't.  I am who I am and if you don't like it then you can go ahead and just leave.  If you stand in my way I will knock you down.  I've come to realize I DON'T have to be everyone's favorite person and I won't try to be.  

I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I love God, my family, my friends and my country.  I may drink a little too much sometimes and I cuss quite a bit.  Love me or leave me.

So...here's to 2017.  It will be bigger, it will be better and I'm gonna kick its ASS!

Grrrrrr

I'm doing great with my eating. I've lost 7lbs!  Now I know it's mostly water weight but I feel great and even when I wanted to eat a candy bar I didn't.

I haven't run since Sunday. Now it's freezing cold outside. My plan is to go to the gym tomorrow and run as soon as I get off the air. It's been busy busy at work and I haven't been able to do that. Tomorrow is the day.

I'm here writing so that's well.

So why the grrrr?  I let the littlest crap get to me. It's been a day of total frustration for me. I can battle with the best of them but make me feel like I'm betrayed or someone is doing something just to get under my skin and I go nuts. It's dumb. It's childish and I should be able to deal with it.

I can't.

I even tell myself daily don't sweat the small petty crap.

I obviously don't listen to myself very well at all. Is it a woman thing?  Is it a confidence thing?  Whyyyyyy?!

I'm married. Have 3 beautiful children. I have a successful career. But I let something someone says rule my day.

It almost makes me not able to get my thoughts together as you can tell from this lovely writing.

It's not the diet thing either because this even happens when I'm fat so...

Eventually I will figure it out. Any guidance would be awesome.

C

good bad good

Update: Healthy eating is right on target.
Running not so much. My left ankle shin whatever the hell it is bothering me is really bothering me. Now it Hurts To Walk. Getting older blows goats.

Obviously I'm here writing so that's good.  I'm starting to stress. We had a meeting today of everything coming up and i started thinking of everything going on and I almost started hyperventilating. Somehow we manage every year but I always freak out.

My brain is a little blank and a little tired. I have a lot to say but not today.

I Failed, and it's ok...

Yes I missed a day of writing. Yesterday in the rush of getting the kids ready to go back to school and preparing myself to get back in a routine I didn't write. So this may be long.

I did run yesterday and it hurt. More on that later.

My main frustration came in the kitchen. I cooked a ham the day before and I thought what a perfect opportunity to try and make my MIL bean soup. So got the ingredients and went for it. The family had lasagna for dinner. That should tell you how it turned out.

Ask me to bake a cake or cookies and they are perfect. Ask me to make a savory meal and I'm screwed. I follow the recipes, I try and buy the best ingredients and it never fails it sucks. I try so hard to cook well and I just can't. How does this work?  Downs God just decide one day you love food so you won't be able to cook. Now I can cook. I make great chili and can grill better than most guys. Oh well, maybe someone will get me some cooking classes for a gift one day.

Now for today. I was totally out of practice with the get to school routine. Got the girls to school but had to come back to make my lunch, eat some breakfast and make sure I got everything.  I have to do that once a week. Someone is going to have a meltdown over clothes or lunch or hair or something and will make us late.

Get back to work and I was so ready to get ahead of the game...didn't happen. Then I said well  gonna get all my paperwork done while I'm on the air, nope. So basically I accomplished nothing I wrote on my to do list at the time I wanted to complete it. So frustrating.

This brings me to my run. I spoke with Kevin Kline this morning. He runs ultra races and marathons and stuff.  We are pretty surenI have a shin splint. So beat thing is rest so that's what I'm doing today. Resting. Then before my next  run, I'm slapping on the compression socks.

I'm falling asleep now. Back tomorrow.

C
P.s. Excuse typos , I did this in my phone.

I'm Tired

Day 3 of 2015 and I'm tired.  Every other Friday I do a live broadcast from Stampede Houston.  We have so much fun but we are there until 1am and frankly I'm tired the next day.  So today this is what you get.

I ran today and drug my neighbor with me (who also went to Stampede with me last night)

I had my non fat greek yogurt and fresh berries for breakfast my absolute fave!

And I have now written for the day.

My ankles hurt, I'm tired and I want vodka.

That is all you're getting today.

C

Gnawing My Arm off

Day 2 of 2015:

Running every day is one of my goals and I have accomplished that so far.  I decided to start the C25K app over from the start because the last time I did it I shuffled through the run intervals which I'm pretty sure helped me finish my 5K but at the slowest possible time.  So now I am running at a good pace during those runs.  I can definitely tell the difference between this time and last time I started this.  My ankles are still hurting though, gotta figure that out.  I'm pretty sure it is the amount of weight I have coming down on my ankles.  Which brings us to the next goal...but first a run selfie.

I take a selfie after every run.  Yes obnoxious but it proves I did it.

Another goal of 2015 was to get my butt back in gear on my healthy eating.  You know good habits.  I started off great this morning.  Even went to the mall with the entire family and didn't feel the need to stress eat.  By the time we were on our way home though this was me...

Seriously, I was about to eat my arm.  I hadn't starved myself at all.  I had my SPARK before my run.  Yes I'm a Spark junkie, I LOVE IT!  I had a meal replacement bar which was delicious, had a cup of coffee (sorry that will never go away) and that I was good.  So I went into crazy ravenous mode, I had to get out of the house.  The youngest was asleep so I took that as my opportunity to go where else?  The grocery store!  That was a genius idea while I was hungry.  It made me even hungrier.  So I got home after buying every bit of healthy food I could think of and before the groceries were even in the fridge I was chowing down on some string cheese, and then a pear, oh and some edamame to top it off.  

I can do this.  I have done it before, just why did I start on a Friday of all days?  Oh because my co-worker Lisa who also started today decided we would be over our bitchiness by the time we go back to work on Monday.  That has yet to be seen...

C

Goal 3 of writing every day accomplished!

Bring It On 2015

So here we go again.  Another year with another list of what I call goals.  Not resolutions because I know if I call it that they won't happen.  That's how my brain works.  This is one of my goals, to write here everyday.  It may be a short post a long post but I HAVE to write something here daily.

2014 brought a lot of good and crazy for us.  Chris got a new job, my middle wonder started kinder or what we call "big school."  The youngest God Bless Him has grown into this giant toddler who has a personality that goes for days.  My oldest is apparently the best student ever and a genius...oh and a damn good little softball player.  That brings us to me.

2014 was a huge year for my job.  The station became the CMA Station of the Year and Marconi Station of the Year.  2 HUGE honors that came with A LOT of hard work and dedication from what I think is the best team in radio.  Personally I was searching for something...I still am.  I started a business out of my home which is basically just fun for me but became a business so I could be legit.  I became a lover of beer, which is a BAD thing.  This brings me to my second goal.  GET MY BUTT BACK IN GEAR.  I was doing so well eating and exercising.  Not so much dieting but just being smart.  With all that new work stuff came the stress eating monster so here I am back at being Thick In The Middle.

One thing I did come to love in 2014 is running.  I completed my first 5K without stopping which was a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I have always hated to run thanks to it being used as punishment in athletics.  I despised it.  The station sponsors the 9/11 Heroes run every year.  Last year I walked most of it.  This year I wanted to run the whole thing.  Didn't matter how long it took I just wanted to finish.  I did it.  It was an awesome feeling.

5K DONE!

Now the station is sponsoring the annual Rodeo Run...yeah I'm the team captain of the slow people.  My 3rd goal is to run everyday.  Doesn't matter how far or how long just run.  See how that ties into my 2nd goal?  I'm smart like that.

There are some other challenges coming up that I know we are going to have to face but I have to go do my run for the day so no talking about it now.

Here's to an amazing 2015!

Until tomorrow...

C

Wang Chungs everywhere

I'm smack dab in the middle of rodeo hell.  It comes to an end next week and I am so ready.

I love my job and this is one of my favorite parts of it but this rodeo has beat the crap out of me.  The weather just has not cooperated.

Last week Cash was able to come out to rodeo with me.  Keep in mind the last time he was there he was 6mo old.  Last year he just wasn't able to go.  So anyway we are walking around the livestock show and Cash sees the milk cows.  He has seen cows, but never milk cows, I'm sure you can understand his confusion at this point.  Cash calls his privates his wang chung.

So here is how the conversation played out:

Cash: Mommy what are those?
Me:  Those are milk cows, that's where milk comes from.  That's a holstein and a brown suisse.
Cash: Look they have wang chungs!
Me: No honey those aren't wang chungs, those are utters.
Cash: But they look like wang chungs
Me: No buddy it's not
Cash: (getting a little frustrated) but it looks like MY wang chung

At that point I was cracking up and just kept walking.

Later that night someone asked him what he saw at the rodeo...guess what he said?  Cows with wang chungs.

The kid is a little smart for his own good.

and I'm Back...

I recently had the honor of hanging out with my college roommate.  The one I actually liked.  She was the first and the best.  I had several.  Charla was ok, Tracy was a vampire...no really she was.  Julie I adored I was just done being at school at that point.  Anyway, focus Christi, Paige (the roommate) said something about enjoying keeping up with me through the blog.  She enjoyed my writing.  So here I am again, writing my daily crap for all to read.  I'm actually writing in a notebook first because if I write it I might edit myself a little.  Trust me, you want me to.

So let's start with a funny thing that recently happened.  Oh and I have to warn you, my filter is basically gone since the last time I wrote here.  Sorry 3 kids 3 years later will just about kill ya.

Anyway...Cash wakes up constantly, I mean ALL THE TIME!  I was sleeping on the couch (fell asleep catching up on shows) and I hear the little feet.  I know exactly who it is too, then the whining beings.  I check the clock...12:45!  WHAT?!  Good lord, no wonder I have black circles.

Then Chloe wakes up, "My throat hurts."  She laid flat on her back all night mouth wide open snoring, what did she expect?  I know this because I check on them constantly in the middle of the night .

45 minutes later I hear little man on the couch stirring, stretching and making noise.  Thinking here we go, 5:30am and bubs is already up.  Then out of nowhere I hear SHIT! (stretch) SHIT!

That was my son, on the couch, asleep and cussing...at someone or something.  Yes he was still asleep.  I figured at that point I had accomplished my mommy fail of the day and the day could only get better from there.

I promise I will write more often and post pictures and such as much as I can.

Until next time...

-C-

ENOUGH Already

OK this may come off as rude but really at this point I don't care.

We have 3 beautiful children. Yes we had them very close together, the last one was a real shocker. Having number 2 and 3 only 17 months apart was not ideal but it's worked and our little boy is such a blessing to us.

Do we want more kids? NO
Do we need more kids? NO
Have we done anything permanent to prevent having more kids? Not that it's any of your business but NO!

I am so sick of everyone asking me when #4 is coming along and if we don't want anymore when is my hubby getting the snip. Everytime I turn around it's when is Chris getting the snip, has Chris gone in for the "procedure" yet? If you want it done do it to you Christi, why does Chris have to do it? All of it just makes me want to scream!

The good ol' snippity snip is a little expensive, even when you do have great benefits from work. If you want it done by a doctor that is worth a damn and you don't want one of those swimming baby makers to sneak in somehow it's going to cost some serious money. Money that frankly I don't have right now.

LOOK the procedure costs money, my BC pills do not. We have 3 mouths to feed plus our own in a terrible economy so BACK OFF! It's really none of your business.

I feel better now...

Never Fails

Welp, here I am, a national ad campaign on the line and my voice is shot. I took good care of it this weekend, really I did. I didn't scream and yell, talked quietly, took meds for my allergies, everything I can think of.

I am suppose to lay my voice down at 3pm and I don't sound 100%. My first ever job for voice and the instrument is broken.

It NEVER fails. NOTHING goes my way lately. Just when I think things are going in the right direction, BAM I get knocked up side the head.

Well we shall see how today goes, hopefully the voice will pull through and they still like me enough to keep me on the campaign.

-C-

Again and again and again...

I've started this blog post over about 12 times and keep getting interrupted with something.



Now I've decided to put the headphones on while in the studio to put off the sign of "stay the hell out I'm working." Doesn't always work because eventually someone comes in about something that has nothing to do with anything important, or just someone that wants to argue because for some reason it's fun to them.


As far as my weight loss goes, I'm holding steady which I'm really happy about. I eat things I shouldn't and I know it but I try to run or do something athletic daily to help the good out weigh the bad. All my clothes are still slightly too big, except my new pair of Miss Me Jeans. They are a size 30! Yes a 30! Never thought I would be able to say that. Granted they are a little tight because in all honesty I could have used a 31 but they are already stretched a little bit after wearing them for one day. So I'm happy. Happy with the way I look, happy with what I weigh and happy about what I've accomplished.


So I guess I should really change the point of this blog. Lately I've needed to vent a lot so I write things down just to get them out of my mind. Kind of like Dumbledore does in Harry Potter with the pensieve (sp?).

Maybe this can be my vent place. The only thing about that is I know there are work people, God bless them, that read this blog and if I say anything about work they will automatically think that it's about them. Which sometimes, not gonna lie, it may be but this isn't the place to tell them what I think about them. I'll just keep writing those things down and then putting them in the office shredder.

So what shall I use this little thought space for? Parenting advice? Nah, even when I try to give it I'm basically told I'm a bad parent. Product advice? Only if I get freebees (hint hint). I can talk about my kids all day long from their latest milestones to the color of their poop. I do that enough already and I think I'm driving some people crazy. Marital advice? Nah not so good at that either, well I can figure out my own marriage but not anyone else.

Hmmm I will figure it out, I could give the secrets that I've learned about country stars that I have worked with...wait no I need my job.

Eventually when I write again I will have focus....maybe.

-C-

Deep Thoughts by Christi

I've been a bad blogger...neglecting my blog and all. Things at work have been a little hectic and home is getting busier and busier as Summer approaches. Chris is wrapping up the year getting ready for Summer school, eventhough I'm secretly praying he gets a new job and can't do Summer school. Chloe turned 4, Cayleigh turned 2 and Cash is almost 8 months. Chloe starts dance in June and she's overly excited asking me everday what day she starts. Little stinker.

As for me and my weight loss I'm doing well. I reached my goal of losing 40 pounds and I'm keeping it off. Now I'm running everyday. It's doing wonders for my waistline and my legs. Not to mention my sanity. Now if I could just find time to get a tan.

Since I've neglected my blog so much I feel that I need to catch up on a little "news."

-All My Children is cancelled!
OH MY WORD! Do you know what this means to my world? I have watched this show for as long as I can remember! My mom use to tape it and come home and watch after work or she would sit late at night on the couch with her sunflower seeds catching up on her stories. Then I got all caught up in it once I was sitting in my dorm room eating Freebirds and drinking REAL coke, not diet, watching AMC when I was suppose to be in class or studying! So tragic. What will the world be without Erica Kane! Oh and the latest story line with the baby in the box and Erica having an evil twin sister...ahhhhh!

-Dancing With The Stars
OK so this season has been a little blah. It's not one of those sesasons where if I miss it I freak out and watch it online the next day, no. I do have to say that Kirstie Alley is a freaking champ and I love her. Ralph Macchio, I probably spelled that wrong, is totally wearing a toupe, come on, you know it. I don't even know who the Chelsea chick is with Mark Ballas and Hines Ward is Ah-May-ZING!

-Castle
Best show on TV! The season finale was hands down the greatest ever, can't wait until the new season, already having withdrawls. WATCH IT PEOPLE!

-Ashton Kutcher taking Charlie Sheen's place on 2.5 Men
LOSING!

-Osama is dead
Hellz to the yeah!

-Sperminator
OK have you seen Maria Shriver? She's a freaking skeleton with hair, wouldn't you sleep with the maid too? He's Mr. Universe for Heaven's Sake and well Karma is a you know what and she's a Kennedy so someone is getting her back. (I know I'm a terrible woman for not feeling bad for her)

-Stupid people
The reason I run

So that should catch you up on what's going on in my life and somewhat the world. Hope all is well. I promise I'm going to be better...and add some pictures or something.

~Christi

Slowing Down

I have lost 39 pounds (almost it's like 38.8 so I'm saying 39). I'm a new person. I eat differently, I live differently, I shop differently...ha ha ha. I still think I can lose more but I'm not on such a mission now as I was before.

The weight loss is slowing down while work is getting busier than ever, which is why I think the weight loss is slowing. Work is kicking my butt. So I'm continuoulsy trying to find things to distract me.

I know it doesn't seem right but I have to have brain breaks so I go online and enjoy a little humor. Currently it is www.damnyouautocorrect.com. This is a site, if you don't know, where people post their "auto-correct" problems with their phones while texting or emailing. I myself have fallen victim to auto-correct A LOT lately.

Recently the hubby texted me something about a certain date on our calendar and what we have going on. My phone took my reply to his text and turned it all in circles, and if I offend...sorry, this is what my phone read...

"you can take Chloe to the dictor for her shits."

Should have read...

"you can take Chloe to the DOCTOR for her SHOTS!"

Oh that had me laughing all day. Of course it got me to thinking, who are the perverts that run this technology that they would turn words into such a thing. An innocent little text turns into vulgar language. Now we all know that I have a mouth like a sailor so I'm sure the hubby was like "whatever Christi." I digress.

Do yourself a favor and visit for a laugh, BUT I warn you some of it is a little pornographic, which those are even funnier.

C

License for Parenting

This is totally NOT weight loss related but I had to vent so here it goes.

They should give out licenses to be a parent. Seriously. Sitting in line at the kids school this morning waiting to drop them off I saw a probably 4 year old hopping from front seat to back seat. No big deal right? I thought, oh she probably popped her car seat strap off and is just waiting to go in...not so. There was no car seat...none. This child was not tall enough for just a booster, nor did I see one in the car. Trust me I drive a tank I can see in all cars. So how long had this little girl been hopping from seat to seat? The whole way to school? THEN I notice the parent smoking...WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP! Hello? McFly? Have you heard the effects of second hand smoke on children? Smoke if you want to but please don't expose your child to it. I don't know why this bothered me so much today. It just did.

There are a lot of things bothering me lately when it comes to kids. I see on the news a small child witnessed it's father shooting it's mother (she lived) and then the father killed himself. How terrible for that baby to see that.

All I want to do is be with my babies. I want more than anything to be able to stay home with them and nurture them. I want to be able to be at every event they have and every play and choir program. I want to see every milestone they hit. How can you be a parent and not want that? Some may call me overprotective, or a little nuts about my kids but they were the miracles given to me as a gift. You don't just throw that gift away.

This just struck me today. I know people that have struggled year after year to have a kid. They have struggled to the point where they have to face the fact that they will never be parents. So to those of you (us) that have been blessed to become parents, stop and think about what you have and don't take it for granted. What if they did give licenses for parenting, would you pass?

IT'S OVER

RODEO has ended! THANK YOU LORD! It's not that it's that bad going to rodeo every night and meeting the stars BUT and some of you may not believe this, I would much rather be with my family at home. Kudos to my husband for dealing with this animal for 3 weeks. A special thanks to my parents and his for helping when they could. Oh and thanks to the best neighbors in the world for reaching out to Chris when he needed it. I'm going to add a few pictures at the end of this post so you can see what Rodeo is ALL about.

I can say that I managed to not gain ANY weight during rodeo, well I did gain .5 a pound at one point but quickly knocked that off. It was a lot of fun to be one of the almost skinny bitches at rodeo this year. It's been a long time coming and I LOVED it! I really enjoyed being able to shop and actually find my size. I didn't buy anything but some jewelry because I cannot justify getting a t-shirt that costs 80 bucks because it has some "blingy" stuff on it. I can justify buying a second pair of MissMe jeans during rodeo because my other ones got TOO BIG! They really are the most comfortable jeans I've ever worn so they are worth the 80+ dollars.

So I'm officially down 32 pounds, that's only 5 pounds away from my original goal of 37 pounds which would bring me to 190. That's all I wanted, to be under 200 for the first time in 4 years. WOW, I actually just said how much I weigh. Huge step for me, I use to hide how much I really weighed because I was ashamed that I weighed more that Chris and over 200. I wouldn't even tell Chris, I would just say I'm in a 14 so don't worry about it. Truth was I was squeezing into a 14 those days.

Anyway I think I'm going to go for more weight loss. Mainly because I want to give myself a little wiggle room. I have gone back on the meal replacement plan at PWLC, which I'm actually excited about. I can tell you that I did cheat a couple of times during rodeo and BOY did it hurt! My body doesn't want the CRAP anymore and I love it. I may shoot for 40-50 pounds total lost.

So this is a warning of sorts, I'm back on meal replacement which if I recall turned me into a megabitch after 3 weeks so we will see how long I can do it and see how much I can get off. Who knows maybe I'll wear a bikini this Summer...after 3 kids...I DON'T THINK SO no matter how SKINNY I get!

Gary Allan

Clay Walker

Billy Currington

So...Tired...Must...Go...On...

Rodeo has begun...not like it use to be. There was a time when I did the morning show then I would rodeo it up until almost midnight just to come home and start all over at 2am without a blink of an eye. Yeah not so much anymore.

It's good though. It's funny how my eating habits have changed at rodeo. My first stop use to be the first fried food booth you could see. Then the next stop was some sort of ice cream or sweet stuff. Man those funnel cakes are hard to pass up. Fair food is some of the best, sorry it is. Fried twinkies, oreos, snickers, now they have deep fried bacon. Makes me sick just thinking about it.

Now I get to rodeo and it's shopping, looking for the cutest bling anything I can find. Now I can actually fit into those beautiful bling things. In fact, I've made friends with some of the vendors and I'm getting percentages off everywhere kind of like my weight is falling off everywhere. It's fun when you don't have to try things on, you KNOW it is going to fit. I guess that's what happens when you lose 30 pounds. Yes only 7 more to go to reach the 37 pound goal but I think I'm going to go for 40 or 50. Can you imagine?

Now I'm not going to lie, I have indulged a little bit. The beer was flowing freely at cook-off, but with all the walking and lack of fried food I pushed the pounds away. I use to be the first to fill my plate of food in the suite before rushing to a meet and greet, now just a bite here and there. I HAVE taken a bite of the famous potato salad that's in the suite, but just a taste, not a scarf it down moment. I make better choices on my indulgences, a piece of sausage here, a bite of brisket there, a little dab of salsa with a few chips.

It's like a whole new me. I don't even really crave bad food. I crave things like salad, mmmm salad, and grilled chicken, or a nice piece of steak, maybe fajitas without the tortilla. It's weird. I think my brain has finally made the switch. Could this be the skinny me coming out? Am I becoming the skinny bitch I have always wanted to be? We shall see...

For now I leave you with a picture from the past week...