Wednesday, January 11, 2017

We ALL Poop

You can try and deny it.  You can try and hide it.  But I hate to tell you this, we all know you do it...because we do it too.  We all poop.

You may be sitting there wondering why in the hell I'm writing about this but I felt the need to let everyone's OK.  It's normal.  I came to the realization that I needed to let the cat out of the bag after walking into the "poop" potty at work.  Yes we have a poop potty.  No it's not labeled as such, it's the place everyone goes to poop.

Let me explain...Awhile back, our building required us to build out two handicap bathrooms because the two that we had were not sufficient.  Anyway, the GIANT handicap bathrooms we have now quickly became the bathrooms everyone goes in to poop.  

They're huge and private.  Almost like a poop suite.  It's just you in there.  I am pretty sure that some people go in there to hide for a little bit.  It's almost like you're at home.

But you're not, you're at work.  For some reason people, and by people I mean the ladies, have this fear of letting others here, and by others I mean the other women, letting them know that they do in fact poop.

First of all, when pooping in our bathroom that has multiple stalls they pull out all the old tricks to hide it...

  1. coughing while squeezing (yes you know who you are)
  2. actually flushing the toilet while letting one drop (don't act like you don't've done it)
  3. staying quiet, almost stealth, while waiting for the person in the next stall to flush and then releasing a little then holding it in until they leave.  (Seriously that just seems so painful, why would you do that?)
Then of course there's that nice poop suite I referred to earlier.  The one you get to use if you're lucky and no one else is sending last night's Mexican food down stream.


Look, this isn't helping you.  That's the tale tell sign that you just had an explosion.  Plus the only thing we smell is poop covered in laundry detergent, or a green meadow, or fresh rain.  Seriously STOP.  Now I appreciate a nice little squirt of the smelly good stuff, almost like a warning.  It's like you're saying, "Hey look, I just had a giant lunch and it was not my friend, sorry you have to revel in my scent but we all do it right?  Here's a little squirt of a fresh meadow to help your nose from melting off."  But when we walk into a wall of smell and it has floated to the floor creating a giant slippery surface, that's just ridiculous.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid of the fact that others know that your body is working how it should.  You don't want to go through life lying to yourself.  Give that person in the stall next to you a "way to go" or "man I bet that feels better."  There's now shame in that.  Be proud of your poop!

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